Red Letter Day

I am a sports fan. My husband’s not. He puts up with me graciously. He is happy for me when my team wins, and graciously will leave me alone when they lose. I was thinking today about some of the common misconceptions and “myths” so to speak about sports fandom that many non-fans might hold. Consider this my own little version of Mythbusters: Sports Fan edition.

Myth: Nothing’s more fun then your team in a close game.

No. No. No. This is probably the biggest misconception non-sports fans have about sports fans. There are a lot of emotions going through me during a close game: stress, frustration, homicidal rage, and bursts of joy mixed with bursts of agony. The exact proportion depends on the type of game. Is my (favored) team choking agains a rival, or underperforming against a team they should dominate? Or alternatively, are they coming back and surging late, which actually can be pretty fun? Usually, though, close games are tense affairs, and are “fun” the way eating a hot pepper (and I like jalepeños) tastes “good” – the pain is an essential part of the process of pleasure.

Corollary: If you don’t care about either team, a close game is awesome.
Especially in the last few minutes, these contests are a joy to watch, especially if an upset is in the making.

Addendum: After its over, a great close win has more “juice” then a blowout
The immense feelings of satisfaction, relief, and euphoria after a close, hard fought win are amazing. I call these “hugging strangers” moments, and they make up for all the stress during a game, and even months or years after the games are over, you can pause, and remember the emotions you felt, and get a bit of that warm fuzzy feeling all over again.
For me, this was the final Kansas-Missouri basketball game, where Kansas came back from being down 19 in the second half to win in overtime (and of course Mario’s Miracle in 2008). For Auburn fans, it was Cam Newton’s comeback against Alabama in the Iron Bowl a couple years ago. Giants fans, remember Super Bowl XLII?

Truth: Genghis Khan said it best: “The greatest happiness is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see those dear to them bathed in tears, to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.” The most fun you can have during the game is when your team is winning big, especially against a rival. If you a fan of the dominant team, it is a pleasure cruise. You can relax, enjoy the conversation with your friends, down a few beers, and take in the show without any stress.

Addendum: Schadenfreude is real, and essential. As Cartman said, “Ohhh, the tears of unfathomable sadness, mmm, yummy yummy you guys!” A great rivalry, with true bitterness, is a lot of fun, and cheering on any misfortune of your rival, even when they are not playing against your team, is a key part of that. How can you tell if it is a real rivalry? If seeing their colors and logo fills you with the same feeling of disgust as, say seeing a stranger’s turd floating in a public toilet, then that’s a real rival. For me as a Kansas fan, the turd is Mizzou. If you are a Yankees fan, it’s probably the Red Sox. Ohio State? Michigan. Every Batman needs his Joker.

Myth: Losing a close game is easier to take then being blown out

“Oh, your guys played well, they almost won!” Ugh. No. A close loss is just a series of agonizing “what ifs” that you replay in your mind ad nauseum. A blowout loss is easier to get over, the difference between pulling that band-aid off one hair at a time and just ripping the thing up. This is even worse in “series” playoffs. 2003 will agonize Cubs fans til the end of time. If they had lost 4 games to 0, would anyone remember?

Corollary: On rare occasions, there really are “moral victories”

It happens. Sometimes the team you root for gets so much further then it had any right to that even after the loss, you are just amazed at the ride. This has only happened a couple times in my life as a sports fan, most recently this year, when a Kansas basketball team that had no business getting so far played its heart out all the way to the national championship game where it lost narrowly to a dominant Kentucky team filled with NBA draft picks. Unlike every other Kansas tournament loss in their history, I was not angry after the final game, just thrilled they made it so far and I got to enjoy the ride.

Addendum: Gallows humor helps deal with the pain of losing.
That is, among your own fans. The difference between an asshole and a comedian might be the animal team logo printed on their shirt. The pain is real too; a really agonizing loss can have me in a funk for days.

Myth: Sports fans are dumb

Somehow, enjoying watching skillful athletes do amazing things with their bodies is considered highly cultured if the athletes are performing a ballet but not if they are performing with a basketball. Human beings who enjoy watching sports cross the spectrum of the human experience just like any other activity, and there is nothing any more or less noble about athletic competition compared with any other type of “non-essential” (i.e. “cultural”) activity humans do. I will happily discuss the Jayhawk basketball team’s rotation next season or football clock-management strategies, but if you get bored we can talk about the socio-political situation in the Roman Empire as it transitioned from the Principate to the Dominate, or statistical models of crowd behavior in panic situations. Or NFL officiating, your choice.

Corollary: Yeah, there are dumb fans too.

There’s dumb people too. They’re the ones that vote for the other guy and root for the other team!

Truth: The social aspect of being a fan is very important

If I were stationed in Antarctica, and was the only Jayhawk fan there, I will still watch games and enjoy the victories, but it wouldn’t be the same. There is an essential social aspect of being a fan, and interacting with other fans is like a catalyst in a chemical reaction. Watching sports socially – with friends at home or in a bar, or at a stadium, is immensely more rewarding then watching by yourself. Sports radio was (and is) driven by this, as is the explosion of Twitter, blogs, and social media among sports fans (and everyone else).

Truth: Nothing is dumber then the tired tropes of how sports fans are portrayed in commercials

There are so many cliches in sports-related commercials, both TV and print. Next time you see a print advertisement featuring a sports theme, check off as many of these cliches as you can.

• (1) multi-racial and multi-sex group of fans (this is a good thing, but it is also cliche)
• (2) impeccably groomed (are we watching football or going to a Parade Magazine photo shoot?)
• (3) in mid-cheer (hey, why not?)
• (4) sitting on a really clean nice couch (only the best furniture for my friends!)
• (5) with a couple artfully-placed foodstuffs (no crumbs or dead soldiers anywhere to be seen!)
• (6) with at least one person holding a ball, representing the sport being watched (I’d forget I was watching a football game if someone didn’t, you know, have an actual football in hand! This is even funnier for baseball…better have that glove on while watching in case Alex Gordon fouls one right through the TV screen into the living room)
• (7) wearing team colors for both teams (mixed company at home viewing party is about as common as a Loch Ness Monster sighting)

The ultimate dumb sports-themed TV ad is that Buffalo Wild Wings series about the football fans so enamored with the awesome environment at their local BWW that they conspire to artificially extend the game they are watching into overtime via various shenanigans. I don’t want the game to go on forever; I want my team to win. As hard as that is to believe, I actually want that more then another order of wings and watered-down American light beer. Ugh.

Do you have any myths related to sports fans that you think I missed? Let me know!

It’s been a while since I really let loose, but some really rude idiot was talking sh*t to my mom (on Facebook) because she posted a pro-Obama story, so I responded with this. I think it was one of my better flames, although I am biased:

“There’s certainly room for good people on both sides to respectfully disagree about the important issues of the day, but your post reads like a verbal enema from the diseased backside of a syphilitic whore. If you could perhaps remove your tongue from Romney’s asshole for 30 seconds to gulp down a breath of fresh air, maybe it would clear your dim-witted brain long enough to realize your own idiocy. Then again, maybe pigs will fly.”

I recently signed up to get a free Obama bumper sticker. All good and well, but after doing so, I started to get daily campaign spam from the Obama campaign. Well, technically not spam; after all, I signed up for that bumper sticker and in the small print, sure, I probably agreed to the emails…and in fairness they were easy to unsubscribe to.

This go me thinking, how do the campaigns compete against each other in the all important Electoral Spam College? So, I created two brand new email addresses, one for Obama, and one for Romney. I then went to the front page of each web site and gave them those respective email addresses.

I am very curious how often each campaign sends email in their “default” setting, and what kind of emails they are (call to action, calls for money, or something else). Finally, I am curious if these email accounts will get any true spam. They are brand new accounts on my own domain and will not be used for anything else so they are very unlikely to ever get spam – unless the source is one of the campaigns.

Anyway, stay tuned and I’ll update things here with an ongoing score.

The system worked…kind of

WWDC sold out in 2 hours, which was completely expected and shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone. You almost certainly got a ticket if you met both of these conditions:

If you didn’t meet these two conditions, you probably didn’t get a ticket. Apple only sells 5000 or so, and they are non-transferrable, which kills scalping. You have scarcity in a non-market environment. The result is a lot of disappointed people.

There are a lot of potential solutions floating around, but they all have problems.

First of all, one non-solution. WWDC can’t be made bigger or split into multiple conferences. WWDC is put on by working Apple engineers, and these folks’ day jobs are writing actual code for Apple, not putting on multiple conferences each year. As for enlarging the conference, you would lose the direct interaction which is an essential part of the event, and on a practical level, there’s no much larger it could get and remain in San Francisco, even if it took over all of Moscone.

So let’s assume it will be one conference with 5000 or so attendees. The three most popular ideas for improving the ticketing process all have problems:

So what might an semi-realistic alternative distribution system for WWDC tickets look like?

There probably isn’t a good one…just keeping things as they have been is probably the way things will muddle through. But, perhaps if we combine aspects of the three alternatives somewhat of a better process could be developed.

I am thinking of something that combines the lottery and application process.
Developers would apply in advance for the chance to buy tickets (one application per developer). An application would require membership in one of the paid developer programs, and would cost additional money to apply (which would go towards the ticket cost if you got in and refunded if you didn’t). As part of the process, Apple would see what company you were from and what apps you’ve developed, but this is not a merit-based” application.

For 4000 or so of the 5000 tickets, Apple would distribute tickets randomly among all applicants. If you “won” you would have a chance to buy a ticket, good for a certain period. You could not resell or transfer a winning ticket; if you can’t go, then you would decline and the ticket would go back into the pool.

The remaining 1000 or so tickets would be for Apple to use for a “second chance” distribution. These would be for hardship cases – I am thinking of situations where say a large company has 10 applications and doesn’t win a single ticket, they could appeal and perhaps be granted a second chance ticket so at least one of their developers could attend. These second chance tickets would also be available for developers based on merit; you appeal to Apple, “show your work” so to speak and can possibly get a ticket. This wouldn’t be perfect but would give deserving devs who are unlucky a chance to get in. To discourage people skipping the first round, these second chance tickets would be somewhat more expensive.

Finally, a couple rule adjustments to allow to ticket exchanges would help. Apple should consider allowing unlimited transfer of tickets amongst members of the same company, so multiple folks could attend the conference. Of course, only one person could actually have the badge (and be admitted) at any one time. Finally Apple should allow anyone who can’t attend to return their ticket to Apple for a full refund. Apple could then redistribute the ticket into the general pool. As before, outside transfers for pay (i.e. scalping) wouldn’t be allowed.

This is not a perfect solution – for one, it is more complicated, adds an arbitrary element to the process (well, more then there already is), and would require a bit of work by Apple, but maybe it is a starting point if changes are to happen. If nothing else, maybe food for thought or conversation. See you at WWDC!

Pity The Billionaire by Thomas Frank

Thomas Frank spends this book doing what he does best – analyzing why, in spite of historic trends which say otherwise – much of the politically active population of the United States espouses and defends policies and ideas which are contrary to their own best (economic) interests.

This is a restatement of Thomas’s thesis from “What’s the Matter With Kansas” with a focus on the political situation post-Great Recession. Like his earlier book, Thomas is puzzled why so many average Americans are seemingly choosing ideology over what actually benefits them economically. In this case, sympathy for billionaire bankers and their political supporters (couched in the rhetoric of defending capitalism and free enterprise) over policies – such as economic and health care reforms – which might actually benefit middle class folks directly.

I approach politics from a liberal viewpoint, but Thomas seems to fall into the same bit of blindness that affected “Kansas” – namely, he is shocked to see a group of Americans hewing to ideology over their own material self-interest. At least it is shocking and dismaying when these folks are middle-class Americans from the flyover states. This shouldn’t be surprising. Ever since the late 1960s and the rise of the modern political environment, large swaths of Americans focus more on ideology over their own self-interest – liberals and conservatives (how many wealthy Manhattanites voted for Obama in 2008 even though his proposed policies might have hit them in the pocketbook?)

Nonetheless, Thomas has written a fairly incisive book, and one which is rather depressing, if only as a catalog of the myriad of ways that a more imaginative or energetic Democratic party or President could have responded to the crisis. In the end, the President ceded the ideological battleground to his opponents, and like French generals in World War II, seemed most interested in negotiating his own defeat rather then using imagination (and the significant resources still at hand) to try to actually win.

Thomas’s book is a depressing reminder of the state of American politics today, and a fair look at the Tea Party and other forces (including a great side-trip into the depths of Ayn Rand’s oeuvre) who have been driving the debate in the country the past two years. He tells it like it is, and depressed liberals (as well as triumphant conservatives who aren’t afraid to read a book by someone on the left) will be both enraged and enlightened.

Last year I blogged about the 21 best books I read during the year. Unlike some other lists of this type, not all the books were published that year; most were, but it was a list of my favorite books. I am doing the same this year, 20 of the best piles of dead tree matter I came across, and one bonus pick of the worst for the late great 2011.

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined by Steven Pinker
My pick for best work of non-fiction for 2011
Pinker’s simple idea: violence – of all kinds, from bar fights to wars between nations – has declined throughout history and today it is lower then it ever has been. He backs his thesis up with extensive data and masterful research, presented with the precision of a scientist and the passion of a novelist. A fine, fascinating book.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
My pick for best work of fiction for 2011
Set in a near-future where society is run down and most people spend their days in a virtual world, Cline’s debut novel tells the story of a young ‘hero’ who solves a series of puzzles, based on 1980s pop-culture geek nostalgia, to win control of a Willie Wonka-ish empire. A fast, fun, imaginative exercise in world-building which is a no-brainer bit of awesomeness for anyone who remotely considers themselves a geek, or who grew up in the late 20th century.

11/22/63 by Stephen King
This is one of King’s most ‘humane’ books in a long time. There’s almost no horror or supernatural elements; instead it is a bit of a real, honest-to-goodness love story, along with a bit of time-travelling action and even a tiny bit of science fiction. Probably his best full-length standalone novel since It.

Reamde by Neal Stephenson
Stephenson doesn’t do short, and “Reamde” is no exception at over 1000 pages. It is less science fiction and more a technothriller, and a very good one at that. WHat makes it great are all the Stephensonesque touches, such as long digressions into topics like MMORPG development. Some great, memorable characters, including a top-notch villain.

What It Is Like to Go to War by Karl Marlantes
A personal, philosophical and psychological look at what the experience of combat is like, and ideas for how soldiers, commanders, political leaders, and civilians can better deal with the reality of war.

Ghost in the Wires: My Adventures as the World’s Most Wanted Hacker by Kevin Mitnick
A straightforward autobiography by one fo the best-known and most accomplished computer hackers that reads like a thriller.

Brilliant: The Evolution of Artificial Light by Jane Brox
This book is another entry in the trend of history books covering some esoteric aspect of life, in this case, artificial light. Brox, uh, illuminates her subject with verve and, dare I say, makes us see things in a…new light?

Less Than Human: Why We Demean, Enslave and Exterminate Others by David Livingstone Smith
A superb review of the biological, social and psychological reasons why human beings seem to to demonize other groups of humans. This isn’t just a survey of “bad things in history” but rather a look at the why of dehumanization, in all its different forms, and whether it can realistically be overcome.

Flashback by Dan Simmons
Simmons takes a step away from historic fiction and sci-fi opera to write a near-future political thriller/police procedural. In spite of positing some rather unlikely political development, Simmons does a really nice job with world-building, and creates an exciting, fast-moving story that really works.

Robopocalypse by Daniel H. Wilson
It’s the near future, and our robot servants become self-aware, and decide that there needs to be a change in who’s running things. The story is unoriginal, but the wit and graphic joy in which the author tells the various stories of individuals fighting the vast electronic hordes make this a damn fun read.

In Defense of Flogging by Peter Moskos
An extended philosophic essay on criminology specifically focusing on whether it would be a worthwhile reform to allow convicted criminals to optionally trade their sentence for a medically-supervised public flogging. The premise sounds bizarre, but it is less an end in itself and more the “hook” upon which to base a great discussion of the failure of the modern criminal justice and rehabilitation system in America.

Agincourt by Bernard Cornwell
A deeply-satisfying work of historic fiction, following the career of an archer in the English Army during the Hundred Years’ War. Richly detailed depictions of medieval life and warfare, a serviceable love story, knights, ladies, and even a lecherous priest make for a fun (and historically accurate) read.

How It Ends: From You to the Universe by Chris Impey
How does it end? A simple question leads to a great book about how everything ends, starting with your own mortal coil and leading to the heat death of the universe. In between the author is quick to weave scientific anecdotes about everything from how aging works to the odds of various cosmological disasters hitting Earth. Spoiler: we all die.

Soft Apocalypse by Will McIntosh
I reviewed this in more detail earlier, but suffice to say, this harrowing and believable story of ordinary people trying to survive during the slow economic and ecological collapse of modern civilization is an instant classic in this genre.

The Witch of Hebron: A World Made by Hand Novel by James Howard Kunstler
And speaking of the apocalypse, peak oil cassandra Kunstler has written a great piece of PA fiction about the lives of some ordinary villagers living in upstate New Yorks after Peak Oil has ended national civilization. “Witch of Hebron” is actually a sequel which tops the original (“A World Made By Hand”) because unlike the original, the sequel is more about (fine) storytelling and less about ideological axe-grinding.

America Aflame: How the Civil War Created a Nation by David Goldfield
It wouldn’t be the 150th anniversary of the Civil War without some great books on the conflict, and this is one of the best, telling what is essentially a moral history of the war, focusing on the cultural and social aspects (of both sides) and showing how the war really built modern America.

The Information: A History, a Theory, a Flood by James Gleick
This wide-ranging survey of the history of information, in all its forms, covers an impressive panoply of topics – biology, anthropology, physics, information theory, computer science, and mathematics. Anyone who is an informational omnivore – and if you are reading this list, you probably qualify – will probably really enjoy Gleick’s book.

The Clockwork Universe by Edward Dolnick
Another “history of physics” book – there have been lots of these, but what make Dolnick’s book a bit different is both the freshness of his writing, and the focus on the intellectual and social world before, during, and after the age of discovery. He gets down and dirty describing day-to-day life in London during Newton’s era, and how the experience of daily life drove the mental state of the various scientists who travel through his pages.

Perilous Fight by Stephen Budiansky
A swashbuckling collection of nautical tales of derring-do, which have the added benefit of being both true and quite relevant to the history of our nation. We are approaching the 200th anniversary of this little-known war that gave our country its navy and national anthem (along with the burning desire to invade Canada!) and Budiansky’s book is a great (nonfiction) survey of the naval aspect of the war, told with the storytelling skill of a good work of fiction.

The March by E.L. Doctorow
A beautiful panoramic novel about Sherman’s March, told through the eyes of a cast of dozens of characters, ranging from Sherman himself, to slaves, Southerners, and everyone in between. All of humanity’s foibles, and glories are laid bare in this stunningly well-written novel.

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick
The heartbreaking and heartwarming true stories of what life is like in one of the world’s most impenetrable nations. It is hard to comprehend the amount of suffering the subjects of this book underwent, all while keeping their humanity under harrowing conditions. The book is written beautifully and the storytelling does the subjects justice.

Caliphate by Tom Kratman
My pick for worst book I read in 2011
I picked up this turd of a book essentially for free when our local Borders went out of business, and sadly, I still paid too much for it. It is essentially Starship Troopers, with a fascist 22nd century American Empire as the good guys and the part of the bugs played by an Islamic Caliphate that has taken over all of the Middle East and Europe. The storytelling is hackneyed crap, filled with one-dimensional characters that make a 1930s comic book look like Wuthering Heights in comparison. The plot (involving the rescue of a Christian slave girl from lecherous Islamic masters while trying to stop a doomsday device) got lost beneath the continuous grinding of the author’s ideological axe – and unlike the excellent world-building and sharp plot of “Flashback” (see above) also written by an author with similar political leanings, “Caliphate” is just awful.

I just spent the past two days of my life doing jury duty – something that I have never done in my lifetime.

Serving on the jury was actually quite rewarding. You know the good feeling you get after you vote, where you realize you did your duty as a citizen and you think about how awesome our country and system are (even if you are the cynical type who otherwise thinks everything is gone to shit?) I felt that good feeling – I was an important part of making our justice system work, making sure a fair trial happened and justice was done as best as we can. It sounds unremarkable, but for 99% of human history and in much of the word even today, that doesn’t happen, but when things are working, it does here, and you and me are a big reason why.

The jury itself was interesting. We were 12 strangers, but together in a very intimate environment. I joked it was kind of like air travel – you are in a small space with total strangers and you can’t use your cell phone! During the two days we mostly made small talk (the same kind you’d make with folks in an airport) – we were not allowed to discuss the case until deliberations, and once those started we pretty much stuck to business. Everyone was friendly and willing to debate and discuss in an open and respectful manner – there were no “angry men” or serious arguments; it was very collaborative. Demographically, there were more retired folks then I would have expected based on random chance, and the male/female split was 7/5.

The actual mechanics of how the case is run and how the courtroom works is surprisingly casual and almost banal – I wasn’t quite expecting the crisp severity and scintillating drama of Law and Order, but even so, it was interesting how, well, ordinary everyone was. The lawyers for both sides spent a lot of time looking through their papers between questions, and everyone was polite and laid back. There were no dramatic objections (in fact, objections were discussed between counsels in whispers in front of the bench, all the better to prevent the jury from hearing anything we shouldn’t), the witness examinations and crosses were very mellow, and even in the closing remarks there wasn’t much Sam Watterson channeling Clarence Darrow. The judge kept things moving, but in the relaxed way of an experienced teacher interacting with students while moving things along in a classroom.

The judge made it very clear that we were only permitted to consider the evidence presented in the courtroom as jurors. We were not to talk about the case with anyone outside the jury, and we were not allowed to do any independent research (including electronic) while the case was underway. Specific mention was made of 21st century distractions like Facebook, Twitter and blogs (the judge even joked that we couldn’t tell anyone on MySpace, but that nobody used MySpace anymore!). She also noted that phones needed to be off while in the courtroom. Mentally, I kind of thought of this like some kind of “cone of ignorance” – everything we needed to know would be in court, it was the job of the two sides to give us what we needed to make our decision – we are not detectives. I understood all of this intellectually, but it was still a big responsibility – this was someone’s life that would change based on what we decided.

So, the actual case (and now that the trial is over, this is all public record and we are permitted to discuss it and anything about the deliberations).

Essentially, the defendant (technically called the respondent because he was under 18 when the crime occurred) cut off another guy in traffic while making a turn onto South Iowa Street from 23rd. The guy who was cut off made his displeasure known, via the usual yelling and bird-flipping, and the guy who cut him off responded in kind. The victim tailgated the first guy on down Iowa Street, and they got into it, just like two guys with more testosterone then common sense are wont to do. So, two guys acting like jerks. However, it got very serious when the first guy (the one who originally did the cutting off) brandished a gun – basically held it up to let the other guy know he had it (without actually pointing it at him). At that point, the second guy (the victim) fell back and called 911, while continuing to follow the first guy at a greater distance. They continued down into rural Douglas County, and the sheriffs eventually pulled over the assailant.

There were two charges, making a criminal threat (and I am paraphrasing, I don’t recall the exact title of that charge), and aggravated assault.

We had the following pieces of physical evidence made available to us (“published to the jury” in the parlance of the court)

Did the defendant flash the gun the get the victim to ‘back off’ from the continuing tailgating/road rage or did he mean to actually attack with it.

We also looked at the written statements that the parties provided to the police. It ended up that of all the people, the defendant’s sister seemed to be the most reliable witness.

After the closing arguments, we deliberated for about four hours. The bailiff made our lives as jurors easier by baking us brownies (yes!) and bringing in lunch from Free State while we deliberated.

We found the defendant guilty of the lesser charge of making a criminal threat, but not guilty of the assault charge – primarily because assault required the the threat of imminent bodily harm, which we felt was not proved.

I am glad that I had this experience. It was just two days of my life, during a relatively slow time at work. If it had been two weeks during a crunch time, I might not be as sanguine, but regardless, I felt honored to do my part as a citizen, and proud that I did my service diligently and responsibly. There’s not much that our society or our government really asks of citizens any more. We don’t have t vote, we don’t have to join the army, and don’t get me started on taxes – but serving on a jury really helps the system work – and it did work. This was real life; although the crime was relatively minor, it affected peoples’ lives on both sides, and involved everyone from the 911 dispatcher who answered the call to the cops who did their job investigating and the district attorneys, the judges, their clerks and assistants, and even the defense attorney who did her job representing her client as best she could, making the state prove its case. Everyone did their jobs. All you have to do is look around the world and look in history books to see that although we take this for granted, how rare this is in human history.

Fundamentally, the jury fundamentally helps our legal system work in a fair way, is a check on the power of the state, helps see justice done, and I was happy to have been able to do my part.

And, for Google’s sake, here’s some information about serving on a jury in Douglas County Kansas that isn’t covered by the county’s FAQ…

1. Yes, you can bring a book or crossword puzzle or whatnot to do while you wait. Don’t count on using your phone for entertainment or to pass the time; frequently it must be off, but you can always read a book during breaks or while waiting (although obviously not while in the courtroom).

2. Casual dress is fine. By that, I mean even a nice pair of jeans and a collared shirt. You don’t need a suit or even Dockers (although nothing’s stopping you from looking nice!) Nothing torn or ripped, no shorts, and no T-shirts or shirts with writing on them.

3. Cell coverage in the judicial center sucks. AT&T simply didn’t work at all anywhere inside the building. So even when you can use your phone, don’t count on it working. However, there is a Knology hot spot in the building, so during breaks when you are allowed to use your phone, you can get online this way.

4. Our judge was pretty savvy and actually mentioned this during her instructions, but to be clear, you just can’t talk about the case or search for information about it on the internet during the trial. For those (like me) addicted to social media, that means no Tweeting or Facebook or anything. This seems obvious, but a lot of us are so used to casually mentioning things that it would be easy to slip up if you didn’t make a specific effort not to. You are allowed to say you’ve been called for jury duty, but that’s it – you can’t mention what trial you are involved in or any details. I checked in to the Judicial Center on Foursquare but never became the Mayor (Chief Justice?)

5. The court day ends around five PM – it won’t go any later; and it starts whenever the judge says, anywhere from between 9 and 10. There are relatively frequent recesses, so you’ll have a chance to stretch and get water. On the day we deliberated, they brought us lunch, but on the trial day, we got an hour and a half to get lunch on our own. They give you temporary employee badges so you can get in and out of the building without going through the metal detector in the front.

The WWDC 1999 Schedule. Click to embiggen

Ah 1999. President Clinton, fresh from his brave conquest of Monica Lewinsky and the Serbian Air Force proudly led a nation in the grip of economic boom and millennial fever. Grateful citizens dialed in to their ISP and fired up their Netscape browsers to search Lycos for the latest and greatest. No iPod. No OS X. No iPhone. No iOS. No Youtube. No Twitter. No Facebook. No Hulu. Honestly, what in the hell did we do? I think we USENETed our Prodigy or something, but I can’t remember because I haven’t taken my pills today.

Apple was just coming out of their mid-decade tailspin, and new Interim CEO Steve Jobs was presiding over a company on the rebound. The iMac was fresh, colorful and awesome, and the stock was rocketing into the 20s. And yes, there was WWDC so developers could learn about new technologies. MacOS 8.5 was coming, and MacOS X was the future. WWDC itself was held in the San Jose convention center. It was smaller, less then a fifth the size of today.

Home from the recently concluded 2011 version of WWDC, I found one of the original 1999 WWDC schedules in my office, and used the poor man’s scanner (i.e. the iPhone camera) to reproduce it for your pleasure. It is a fascinating trip down memory lane of both old technologies, and how WWDC used to be structured. The Stevenote still kicked things off, but Steve shared the bill with Avie Tevanian. The evenings has a lot more ‘official’ activity then today, with events like Apple Masters, Movie Night, and a conference party that was separate from the Beer Bash. The technologies? Some you’ve probably heard of (Java, Carbon, Cocoa), and some have faded down the memory hole (Game Sprockets, anyone?). WebObjects was in big, with numerous sessions, and there is a big focus on Java as well. There’s also numerous IO hardware-specific session on topics like USB and Firewire. There were also tons of Feedback Forums for the various technologies and teams at Apple.

Anyway, click the photo above to see the full-size version, and party like it’s 1999.

As we all know, the world is coming to an end tomorrow (and if you’re reading this after May 21, then you obviously weren’t good enough to make the Rapture), so why not kick back and spend the last few hours on the earth reading a good post-apocalyptic disaster novel? I’m a fan of the genre, and these are a few of my favorites, organizaed by the means to mankind’s demise….

Water
Flood and Ark by Stephen Baxter.

Water wells up from below the oceans, inundating the world.

Plague
The Stand by Stephen King

Bio-engineered flu wips out humanity.

Nanotechnology
Blood Music by Greg Bear

The original “grey goo” novel.

Earthquake
The Rift by Walter Williams

The Big One hits – at the New Madrid fault, tearing America in two.

Meteor
Lucifer’s Hammer by Larry Niven and Jerry Purnelle

Big meteor. Bigger bang.

Nuclear War
The Last Ship

There are tons of great post-nuke books, but this unique one, from the perspective of a Navy ship at sea, is an underrated gem.

Aliens
Out of the Dark by David Weber

A nice solid, fun alien invasion set in the Internet era.

Zombies
World War Z by Max Brooks

Hungry zombies. Lots of guns.

Peak Oil
World Made by Hand by James Kunstler

Life in small town after a sudden decline in the world’s oil

Economic Collapse
Soft Apocalypse by Will McIntosh

There’s nothing Great about this Depression, but the book is stunning.

Magic
Dies the Fire by S. M. Stirling

The laws of physics change with devastating consequences to civilization

Infertility
Children of Men by P. D. James

No more babies.

Evolution
Evolution by Stephen Baxter

Life evolves. Humans do not (at least not anything like what we would expect). And yeah, Baxter’s on here twice. He’s that good.

Supernova
Aftermath by Charles Sheffield

When a nearby star goes supernova, things do not look good for little old Earth

So, as most people know, AT&T has started capping their broadband internet packages. This is a thoroughly awful, consumer-unfriendly act, but, with a bit of doublespeak that would make a Soviet commissar blush, AT&T is claiming that customers actually asked for caps! Needless to say, I had to find out more, and, well, it sure looks that way according to this official AT&T press release:

Joyful Proletariat Welcome New AT&T Internet Enhancements

Peasants Cheer as Precious Bandwidth Allowance Distributed

May 2, 2011 – As Reported by Official News Service of DPRK-AT&T

As reported by the glorious Peoples Commissariat of Internet Resources (known to the decadent bourgeoisie as the AT&T Marketing Department) workers and peasants through the Peoples Republic of AT&T expressed their unalloyed joy at the latest culmination of the the glorious Five Year Bandwidth Allocation Initiative, which grants all members of the Outer Party an amazing 150 GB of precious bandwidth every month. The People's Congress has also agreed to award Inner Party members up to 250 GB of bandwidth, as a reward for loyal service to the Motherland.

It is expected that any workers who are not satisfied with their bandwidth allocation will engage in public Self Criticism at the next Party committee meeting.