Red Letter Day

If you really need to end a conversation in a hurry, wait until the other party has made what they consider to be a witty or important point, and then say one of the following:

(in random order…I don’t know which one is the funniest. I don’t know if any of them are funny!)

10. “That’s fascinating, but I don’t think the Bishop would have seen things that way.”

9. “What did you do with the marmot when you were finished?”

8. “It’s amazing how the artist deconstructed the entire paradigm ontologically through the medium of inverse interpretive dance”

7. “I don’t care what your favorite data pattern is, I still like the smell of fresh-baked chocolate-chip cookies!”

6. “Colorless green ideas actually don’t sleep furiously. I know for a fact they have insomnia.”

5. “How can you say something like that in presence of Her Majesty the Queen?!”

4. “God is actually shaped like a slightly lopsided rhombus.”

3. “I am working on a theory as to how the pigs procreate, being that they are green circles lacking in both legs and external reproductive organs”

2. “The gleam in your eye definitely strikes me as that of a time traveller. Your secret’s safe with me, but tell me, how do you like things here in the 18th century?”

1. “Sixteen badgers along with four raccoons, eh? And only three pounds of kidney beans, you say? Wow, you are amazing!”

Thanks! I’ll be here all week, don’t forget to tip your hostess.