Very Very Important!!!

I got this wonderfully exciting envelope in the mail, trying to get me to renew my subscription to some mediocre magazine (Esquire, I think) that I subscribed to out of a moment of weakness.

I just love the level of hyperbole in this notice. It almost feels like a matter of national security:



1. "Final Notice For Uninterrupted Delivery" -- Promises, promises...they keep sending these to me even though I have studiously ignored every one. I especially love their detailed and, well, authoritative instructions to the Postmaster:

"ATTENTION POSTMASTER: Handle in conformance with Postal Law and Regulations as outlined in the USPS domestic mail manual"

You know, because there are probably some smart-ass postmasters who just do not respect Postal Law and Regulations. Hell, some postal employees probably haven't even read the Domestic Mail Manual.

2. Now they are ordering me around, as if I were a mere Postmaster. How dare I allow subscription interruption!

3. "Urgent: Your exact address is important. If you have moved notify Postal Service or any other agency handling your route."

"Other agency?" Like I get my mail delivered by the CIA or something?