List of favorite country western song titles

I didn't make any of these up, this is an old list which has been floating around, but it always gives me a laugh.

.....The Best Worst Country-Western Songs:

It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

All My Exes Live in Texas

Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight

I Thought She Was Out Jogging, But She Was Running Around On Me

If the Phone Don't Ring, It's Me Not Calling You Up

All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

(Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To Kill

Peel Me a Nanner

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long

If Love were Oil, I'd be a Quart Low

Her Teeth were Stained, but her Heart was Pure

I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy

Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole my Girl, but the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind

Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me

Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed

You're A Cross I Can't Bear

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

I Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With a Guy Like Me)

I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me

I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?

You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me

I Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning)

I Sent Her Artificial Flowers For Her Artificial Love

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

Heaven's Just A Sin Away

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You

Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

Gave Her My Heart And a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms

If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure

It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

She Feels Like A New Man Tonight

I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)

Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown

You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off

You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue

Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

The Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me"

Do You Love As Good As You Look

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

Who's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time?

When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)

Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In

My Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to You

You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log

And There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On

How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?

I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, I Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.

Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft

Come Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You're Going Against the Grain

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

Don't Chop Any Wood, Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load

If You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

Bubba Shot the Jukebox

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.

There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin' for You

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat

She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart.

Thanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You

They May Put Me In Prison But They Can't Stop My Face From Breaking Out