A memo from Santa's elf
I was recently drafted to run my company's gift exchange function at our annual holiday party (yeah, I said holiday party -- so Bill O'Reilly can go suck a yule log!) and since the rules for these things can be quite complicated, I had my boy (i.e. me) draft the following inter-office memo (that's what they called email back when computers used punch cards) explaining the rules.
If any of you are expecting to have to suffer through a white-elephant style gift exchange at your place of employment or inebriation, this might help you too. So, in the spirit of holiday goodwill towards all (yeah, I said "holiday" again...am I "oppressing" anyone?) I humbly offer the following...
Dear Fellow Productivity Unit,
As you may know, the Office Holiday Party (scheduled for this Saturday) features the ever-popular "White Elephant" gift exchange. As anyone who watched last night's episode of "The Office" knows, this event can devolve into a cauldron of ennui and despair right out of a Greek tragedy. In order to prevent such a dire outcome, our office mananger wanted me to explain to everyone the rules for the "White Elephant" gift exchange.
Anyway, the rules for the gift exchange are quite simple, no more difficult then designing an aircraft engine, learning to play the sitar, or pacifying Iraq. If you become disoriented during the gift exchange, remember the three steps which may save your life: stop, drop, and roll.
That said, here is how the gift exchange works. First, someone is designated as "primary gift receiver." This person then appoints two sub-administrators, which then begin to access gifts in a serial fashion, by alphabetical order, using the metric system. If a gift is received, the receiver must analyze the present to confirm if it meets any of three criteria, to wit: is the gift a member of the class of tree-dwelling mammals from the marsupial group, is the gift either or cube or rhombus, or does the gift have the qualities of truth, beauty, effervescence, or hyperbole? If the gift weights at least 40 grams, but not more then 50 grams (if the gift is wine, then this will be measured in liters) then a "draw" is declared by the 3rd secondary gift tree-minder, and the opposing giver has two units deducted from his or her score, and so forth.
OK, got it?
I was recently drafted to run my company's gift exchange function at our annual holiday party (yeah, I said holiday party -- so Bill O'Reilly can go suck a yule log!) and since the rules for these things can be quite complicated, I had my boy (i.e. me) draft the following inter-office memo (that's what they called email back when computers used punch cards) explaining the rules.
If any of you are expecting to have to suffer through a white-elephant style gift exchange at your place of employment or inebriation, this might help you too. So, in the spirit of holiday goodwill towards all (yeah, I said "holiday" again...am I "oppressing" anyone?) I humbly offer the following...
Dear Fellow Productivity Unit,
As you may know, the Office Holiday Party (scheduled for this Saturday) features the ever-popular "White Elephant" gift exchange. As anyone who watched last night's episode of "The Office" knows, this event can devolve into a cauldron of ennui and despair right out of a Greek tragedy. In order to prevent such a dire outcome, our office mananger wanted me to explain to everyone the rules for the "White Elephant" gift exchange.
Anyway, the rules for the gift exchange are quite simple, no more difficult then designing an aircraft engine, learning to play the sitar, or pacifying Iraq. If you become disoriented during the gift exchange, remember the three steps which may save your life: stop, drop, and roll.
That said, here is how the gift exchange works. First, someone is designated as "primary gift receiver." This person then appoints two sub-administrators, which then begin to access gifts in a serial fashion, by alphabetical order, using the metric system. If a gift is received, the receiver must analyze the present to confirm if it meets any of three criteria, to wit: is the gift a member of the class of tree-dwelling mammals from the marsupial group, is the gift either or cube or rhombus, or does the gift have the qualities of truth, beauty, effervescence, or hyperbole? If the gift weights at least 40 grams, but not more then 50 grams (if the gift is wine, then this will be measured in liters) then a "draw" is declared by the 3rd secondary gift tree-minder, and the opposing giver has two units deducted from his or her score, and so forth.
OK, got it?
posted by Mike at
10:25 AM
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